November 19, 2010 – I'm sick for almost a month and I had visit doctor three times but my condition still the same. For almost a month also, I started to lose my appetite. I force myself to eat some biscuits or bread because I have to take medicine. Almost everyday I skip my lunch because I don't feel like eating. I hate this kind of routine. Everyday eat medicine but I'm not recover at all. I'm not getting enough vitamin, proteins and mineral because losing appetite effect my mood to eat. Kinda feel like anorexia. On the first visit to doctor, I weight 53kg and on my second visit, I weight 52kg. Yes, I'm happy losing weight even 1kg but I don't like this kind of unhealthy lifestyle. It's really suck.
My colleagues say they know why I'm sick and never recover. The reason because I'm HOMESICK. At first, I think its not make sense and I refuse to accept this excuse. When I though over on my condition. I ask myself “AM I???”.....Yes!!! I admit I'm homesick.
First time in my life, I leave far away from my family. Usually my mummy will taking care of my daily meals and now, nobody was here for it. I eaten or not, nobody was here to remind. Been far from hometown, I finally see the other side of me. I always think I can stand on my own and I am not childish like others usually think. Denial stage is over now, I must admit I am childish even I'm 24 years old. I find its hard living alone because mentally and physically I was never ready for this. I'm not regret moving here. I just find loneliness tend to be part of me. But I don't want to go back to my lifestyle when I was fifteen. I had enough with those lifestyle. I just want a laid back and relax lifestyle. Luckily I'm not living in KL. Petaling Jaya is kinda a laid back place. Although its boring but I had enough time to sleep and I'm not so into the night life.
According to Maslow theory, we need to fulfil our basic need before moving to another stage of life process. Right now, I'm on my way to fulfill my basic need (food, shelter and cloths) and get myself to adjust into this lifestyle. I used to think I was ready enough to make this turnover with my life. The reality shown I'm not fully ready mentally and physically to move out from my hometown. As usually stubbornness struck and defense mechanism is way high.
I ask myself back this question “What is the reason I decided to leave hometown for a year?”. There were a hidden agenda I remain secret and I never told my parent about but telling them I want to grow up and start to learn about life. Yes, part of it was true and part of it, I'm trying to give myself a year break to discover few answer which I need to clarify. Sometime away would help us find the most perfect answer to each of our confusion. After all, my journey just begin and I never expected to be in homesick. Now I understand how does it feel to be in homesick situation and emotions. It's suck!!!
