A.N.G.E.L

I believe that family and friends around me were sent by above as my ANGEL. I am lucky because I was surround by so many angel. Never knew that today, I lost one of them. She is the angel I called Khai (Khairina Badron). I met Khai during my 1st year in UNIMAS because she is my coursemate too. My 1st group experience with her was in Cognitive Sciences and Psychology Cognitive group assignment. Since that day, we been together as group mate for about 7 semester. Until finally we came out with 4K geng which consist of Khai, Karen, Ewty and me. Everytime we have group discussion, we couldnt resist but making all the noises in CAIS. I cant forget those jokes and laughter that we had. She would cool me down when my temper is out of control and she would apologize on behalf of other group mate who is late. She is so sweet until we came out by quoting "So sweet (Khai, 2009)". Until the end, I will always bear in my mind how sweet she was.

I remember when she was assign a task to organize dinner before our internship, she was so humble and she deny of her own capabilities. But deep in Khai, I know she can manage well her ask. Her humble attitude is what I like the most. Even unti right this moment, I still havent met anyone like her. She is irresplaceable. She is a wonderful friend of mine but now I cant even had a chance to tell her I really love a friend like her.

I was extremely shock when I receive Imah sms saying that Khai is gone. I try to confirm with others and finally my tear falling from my eyes. I did not cry during our last day before going to internship but today, my tear was just like last night heavy rain. I try to be professional and I try so hard to be strong but I was too weak to accept the truth. I'm losing her for sure and this is the fact I must face. If I had a chance to ask GOD, I would ask GOD why GOD choose to write her story like this?

One more month to 10/10 to our convocation. This is sudden and unpredictable. I wish to meet her during our convocation but this dream seem to be unfilled. She wont be with me during our convocation. I miss sitting next to her and I miss her laughter and jokes.

"Semoga roh arwah akan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman dan baik-baik sahaja. Sahabat mu disini redha dengan pemulangan mu ke sana. Semoga suatu hari nanti, kita pasti akan bertemu kembali di dunia yang lain lagi"....I MISS YOU, KHAI!!!!

WHEN LIFE LEAVES YOU HANGING.....DON'T QUIT!!!!!!

JULY 16, 2010 - I am going to be a counsellor soon…very soon and I know I shouldn’t let negative thoughts keep on hanging in my mind. But sometime, I was too weak to fight with this negative ion. I know no matter what, I will always survive through those obstacles. Along the process, it hurt and sometime I do feel like giving up with my life. Sometime I would ask myself, “What the use of hanging on?”, “Is this worth?” and “Will I ever find my way back?”. Those questions playing on my mind 24/7.

I can’t help myself from questioning my action and what I want. Why must I face this challenge? Why must I give up? Too much “WHY” questions and I’m getting tired with this. I wish I would find the answer. Counsellor is also human being. I can’t run away from facing my own emotions. I have problems too and the weirdest part of all is counsellor could guide their client but they hardly could guide themselves.

QUIT. This is the word I learn when my problem seems no way out. I remember when the first time of my life, I was having this scary thought of living this world. I don’t have courage to get a knife and cut my wrist because I don’t want my family to feel this pain. I keep silent while smiling to the world but deep in myself, I’ve torn into pieces. This is my scariest experience. Where did I get my courage to stay alive?? I get to stay alive through this words “THE REAL TEST OF LIFE IS NOT DARE TO DIE BUT DARE TO BE ALIVE”. At first, I don’t understand but when I think deep, I’ve finally found the meaning of this word. That’s make me stronger to face and feel each pain. Those pains make me alive.

Happiness is equally with sadness. That’s the fact. Sometime I will get what I want and sometime I was force to give up on what I want the most. I feel sweetness and at another day, I feel bitter. That’s the taste of life. There’s only one way to walk through, “DON’T QUIT”. No matter what’s life is taking me, I will never ever quit. Even though, I may fail but at least I did try.