JULY 16, 2010 - I am going to be a counsellor soon…very soon and I know I shouldn’t let negative thoughts keep on hanging in my mind. But sometime, I was too weak to fight with this negative ion. I know no matter what, I will always survive through those obstacles. Along the process, it hurt and sometime I do feel like giving up with my life. Sometime I would ask myself, “What the use of hanging on?”, “Is this worth?” and “Will I ever find my way back?”. Those questions playing on my mind 24/7.
I can’t help myself from questioning my action and what I want. Why must I face this challenge? Why must I give up? Too much “WHY” questions and I’m getting tired with this. I wish I would find the answer. Counsellor is also human being. I can’t run away from facing my own emotions. I have problems too and the weirdest part of all is counsellor could guide their client but they hardly could guide themselves.
QUIT. This is the word I learn when my problem seems no way out. I remember when the first time of my life, I was having this scary thought of living this world. I don’t have courage to get a knife and cut my wrist because I don’t want my family to feel this pain. I keep silent while smiling to the world but deep in myself, I’ve torn into pieces. This is my scariest experience. Where did I get my courage to stay alive?? I get to stay alive through this words “THE REAL TEST OF LIFE IS NOT DARE TO DIE BUT DARE TO BE ALIVE”. At first, I don’t understand but when I think deep, I’ve finally found the meaning of this word. That’s make me stronger to face and feel each pain. Those pains make me alive.
Happiness is equally with sadness. That’s the fact. Sometime I will get what I want and sometime I was force to give up on what I want the most. I feel sweetness and at another day, I feel bitter. That’s the taste of life. There’s only one way to walk through, “DON’T QUIT”. No matter what’s life is taking me, I will never ever quit. Even though, I may fail but at least I did try.
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